I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
