Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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