I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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