you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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