i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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