and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dear god my vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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