he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
