well I can't set my house on fire every night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
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i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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