I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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