NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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