mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
