Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
