can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
