I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
