you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
