I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
