chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
