News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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