3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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