In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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