I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize