That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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