i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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