Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
