I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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