My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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