All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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