If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
