In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
