if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize