Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
