I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
