I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
