Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
