Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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