There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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