i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
