your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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