I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just high enough for therapy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
