she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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