Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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