Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
