so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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