Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
