Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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