We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
