he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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