She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
