Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
