I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
