If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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