awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
