So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
