the day after is always just damage control
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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