I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
