bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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