Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.