Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?