i was born a porn star she said
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.