remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
