My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
whose ass print is on the piano?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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