its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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