i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
