i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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