she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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