As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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